The way it is
Last night, I saw my 20 year old son who, like myself, is also homeless. He has worked at the same job for nearly 3 years and still earns only 8.00 per hour. He wants to go to Job Corp. , but was told he made too much money. He wanted to go there to have a bed to sleep in and to learn a new skill to get a better job. He carries a duffle bag with him wherever he goes. It contains his only belongings. He reads college level books from the library to educate himself. He walks to work and some days, he doesn't have money to eat.
When we were able to connect last night, I was both thrilled and heartbroken to see him. As we embraced, my tears rolled onto his ragged T shirt. There are no words to describe how it feels for us to be homeless and to see this good kid living this way. I realized in this crystallized moment that this problem will not go away..we may never see our dream of having a home and being together.
Although I have truly done nothing wrong, the guilt and pain of seeing my son live this way was overwhelming. I felt I had failed him miserably.
I am a white, 54 yr old female. I have no health care, save the few emergency room visits I have made. With no insurance or money, I know my lifespan will decrease as the years pass. I have applied for Medicaid 3 times, and been denied. I can't even get food stamps because I don't have a permanent address.
I move from couch to couch, sometimes sleeping in the park. I have no transportation, so it is difficult to get from place to place.
We speak of our dreams, which are to have a house again and work and be together. We have hope. At least that is what I tell him. The truth is, I feel little hope after all this time. I feel broken and ostracized. I am definately not the same person I was 5 years ago, when we had a home, security and were together. I didn't fully realize then how priceless that was.
I want to raise awareness about homelessness and collateral consequences in Indianapolis and across the country. It is a sad, complicated, overwhelming and seemingly futile life.
If you read this blog, whatever you take from it, pay it forward. It is the only way I have of sharing my experiences and perhaps, seeing change for myself and others.
I ask for prayers and positive thoughts for myself and my son as we travel this journey without shelther.
1 comment:
I just do not understand why there are all these type of aids created to help those in need, yet due to all the rules and regulations it makes it nearly impossible for those that truly need the assistance to access it.
So many individuals take for granted the issue of homelessness, b/c they believe that with their education and security of a job/career they will never have to face the issue, whereas no one is exempt from this and should take it seriously.
Also you have not failed your son; to leave him or not assist him would have been to fail him. Instead you continue to be there for him as much as you possibly can. You have realize that you are his strength, for you not to have given up at this time only provides him with more encouragement to continue to try to make a way. Do not lose Faith! Do not stop Praying!....You would not want him to stop and give up, nor does he want you to.
Anyone who is among the living has hope.
(Ecclesiastes 9:4)
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